Enrich Love

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Having Kids for the First Time

The decision to get married isn’t an easy one but the decision to add kids to the equation is a completely different story. Your life will take on a 360 degree turn once you have kids. Your world will now revolve on your baby and whether you like or not, this will bring about numerous changes with your married life. This is the reason why it is extremely important to know how to talk to your spouse about having kids for the first time.

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Having Kids for the First Time

Proper planning ahead of time and discussing all critical concerns with your partner before having kids will ensure a smoother journey to parenthood.

Discuss It in Person

There are serious conversations that should never be done over text or chat messages and one perfect example of this is none other than the baby talk. Social media messages, emails, or texts are never a good option here as this should and must be done face to face.

Having a baby is not just any ordinary conversation that you can have over a few text messages. There are cases when this talk can be a bit emotional for some people.

Even if you use all the emojis in the world, text can take on a different tone that can result to a major misunderstanding and miscommunication between you and your spouse. This is especially so if you are discussing when you will have the baby, how you want to have one, and what they think about the idea.

Text should only be used for scheduling the time for the talk and the rest of the conversation should be done on person.

Talk About Your Childhood

In this time of momentous change in your life, it is a wise idea talk about your individual childhood as well as how you plan to raise your children. Your childhood is important because once you become a parent yourself, the tendency is for you to adopt the parenting styles you were raised with and it only makes sense that you would want to ditch those not so favorable ones.

Talk about the arrangement in work schedules done by your parents, how looked after you every time you get sick, and who attended your school activities. All of these will determine if you and your spouse have the same priorities and values. Discussing your personal experiences can unfold so many things about discipline, child care, diet, sleep, hygiene, and religion, all of which play key aspects in parenthood.

man and woman standing inside kitchen room

Be Realistic with Your Financial Situation

Let’s face it. Having a baby is expensive. Upfront costs will always be there such as furniture for the nursery and other ongoing costs such as formula, diapers, and daycare. Emergencies may pop up every now and then, not to mention the skyrocketing premiums on health insurance that can all make a dent on your savings.

On top of these, there is also the possibility of a lower household income because of unpaid maternity and paternity leaves or if one spouse works part time or stops working completely.

If you want to have a kid for the first time, both you and your partner must be transparent and honest about your income, spending habits, expenses, and assets. You should be working hand in hand to create a monthly budget for the combined expenses and income. If you are hesitant to share such financial concerns with your partner, you might want to rethink if it is a good idea to have kids at this point.

Set Expectations with Possible Changes in Career

If you already have a plan for your career 5 or even 10 years from now even after you have kids, you also need to inform your partner about this. Things can always change but it is essential that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to your priorities.

While no one can predict how you will feel about the idea of going back to work after having a baby, it would hurt to plan and discuss this with your spouse as well. You also need to know their plans and whether or not they will be flexible or inflexible about them.

husband asking for forgive

Talk about How You Will Divide Responsibilities Related to the Baby

Your responsibilities and tasks will add up once your baby comes. How the two of you will be dividing the work is something that should always be part of the discussion.

Many couples today decide to have one parent stay at home for a certain period of time, resulting to lesser income for the family. More often than not, the stay at home parent is also expected to handle everything in the house. This expectation isn’t good because it doesn’t acknowledge that being a parent in itself is already a full time job as it is.

For this reason, future parents must come up with a detailed plan on how to handle child-related responsibilities. Parents who actually take time to list down tasks and discuss in advance how these will be divided are much better off compared to couples who never even bother to talk about the issue.

Be Clear on How You Want to Have a Baby

As there are now plenty of ways to have kids, from the natural way to adoption, surrogates, in-vitro fertilization, and more, it is a must to deepen the conservation beyond just having children to whether your spouse also wants to have them in the same way you want or not.

The Bottom Line

When it comes to how to talk to your spouse having kids for the first time, don’t forget to let your spouse know that you love them and you love the life you have with them right now. But, ask them how they see their future will be in terms of your marriage, having kids, and life as whole. Grab this opportunity to discuss other things that may happen in the future aside from having children.