A host of emotions can wash over you during first dates. You might feel excited but at the same time, there is also a sense of awkwardness tingling down your spines.
This is why it isn’t really a surprise that people prepare for first dates as if their lives depend on it. They look for the best location, shop for the perfect clothes, and even come up with a list of topics to talk about. Doing so helps them prevent looking like a complete fool in front of their date.
But, something most people fail to learn is what they shouldn’t say or do. Exes, for example, are some of the things that not everyone will take positively.
In fact, there are several reasons why you shouldn’t talk about past relationships on a first date and some of these include the following:
It Will Only Result to Comparisons
If there is something that people don’t like, it is when their date compares them to others, especially their exes. The moment you talk about your ex, your date will automatically think how they stack up against that person from your past. And even if you don’t say good things about your past partner, your date might notice some similarities between them and your ex. From the get-go, they will think that they are not the right person for you, leaving the relationship hopeless even when it hasn’t started yet.
Your Date Will Assume That You are Not Over Your Ex Yet
You can always say that you are over your ex when you bring up the topic but that wouldn’t be convincing at all. People who are already over their ex are those who don’t talk about their ex whatsoever. It is like you are wearing that large tag on you saying that you are still hung up with your ex if you always feel compelled to talk about them. The fact that you are talking about something only shows that it still crosses your mind. No one would want to put up with this or even be entangled in a relationship with a person who hasn’t moved on from an ex just yet.
It Shows That You Got Baggage from Your Past Relationship
Any baggage you got from your previous relationship will make your date think that it will be difficult to have a relationship with you in the first place.
Remember that the early stage of a relationship starts with getting to know more about the other person. The moment you start dating someone, they want to learn everything about you and not your ex. The last thing you want is to talk about your ex and compromise your entire life because of a relationship that already ended. If you are willing to risk your life that much, it would be best that you don’t go on dates just yet.
It Helps Prevent Your Date from Judging Your Ex
One more reason why you shouldn’t talk about past relationships on a first date is to ensure that your date doesn’t judge your ex by just knowing your side of the story. Why is this important, you ask?
There are cases, specifically when kids are involved, where someone new enters the picture and you wouldn’t that person to judge the other parent by not heating the whole story. When your date makes a reservation about your ex, they will automatically feel resentment towards your ex even if they don’t know much about them.
If you also talk about the harsh treatments you received from your ex, it makes your ex the subject of hate without their knowledge, possibly boosting the ego of your new partner. This can make the new relationship a potential battleground to see the better person between your past and your present partner.
Your Own Issues are Yours and Your Date Doesn’t Have Anything to Do About Them
Now, this reason might sound a bit harsh but it is not up to your date to fix whatever problems you have from your previous relationship. You are the one who should figure out where and how things went wrong. It is also your responsibility to ensure that the same concerns won’t happen again. Discussing failed past relationships with a date won’t solve things. This is where your family and friends come in. It is not fair to burden your date with this kind of things anyway.
The Last Thing Your Date Wants is to Imagine You and Your Ex Together
The moment you start talking about your ex with your date, chances are they will start to picture the two of you together. This is something you have to avoid at all cost. Many people want to have this delusion that they were the first person you dated and shared your deepest secrets with. This isn’t really a healthy way of thinking but it happens. Hearing about an ex can ruin this delusion.
Exes are Just Bad Topics for Conversations
More than any other reasons, past relationships are not good topics of conversations, particularly on first dates. Wouldn’t it be better to talk about things you share in common or interests and hobbies you have? Any person going on a date with you wouldn’t be interested to hear about the person you were with before them.
They wouldn’t want to know about the name of your ex much less their hobbies or their weaknesses. If you talk about this, your date might lose interest not only in what you say but worse, they might even lose interest in you as a whole. Discussing past relationships is not a great way to build a new relationship and find common ground.
Once again, the true purpose of first dates is to get to know a person and have fun. As such, you will be better off if you stick with neutral topics that won’t cause discomfort and angst too soon between you and your date. Handle your first date with care to get a second date, a third one, and more.