If you recently came out of a divorce, joining the dating arena might feel a bit overwhelming and even nerve wracking. Maybe it was already decades ago when you last went on dates that you already forgot how to do it.
Whatever it is, dating again after a divorce isn’t easy. But, what is even challenging here is to inform your date that you’ve had a previous marriage. Even though divorce is no longer a taboo topic as it used to in the past, many divorcees are still feel like it puts them on a bad light. They are afraid that people will reject or judge them if they learned about their past.
The moment you can talk about your past in an honest and open way, you will know that you are now prepared for a brand new relationship. This will also show your partner that can grow and learn from every challenge that comes your way.
The million dollar question now is, when should you tell your date that you’re divorced in the first place?
Best Time to Discuss Your Past Marriage with Your Date
The truth is that there is really no such thing as a perfect time in bringing up about your previous marriage since new relationships are all moving at unique and different paces. However, if you are confident that you are ready and open to start dating once again, it is much better to tell your date about your divorce sooner than later, even if it is as soon as your first date.
Experts suggest that this topic is something that should be raised as early as the first date. This topic shouldn’t be forced, though, but once past relationships are naturally mentioned during the conversation, you need to talk about your divorce.
On the other hand, if this subject isn’t brought up naturally during your first date, you have to be prepared that it might arise any time soon. You don’t really need to hide whatever you have been through. So, the moment your date starts to ask some questions about this, you have to be ready to discuss it as needed.
Discussing the divorce as early as possible is even more critical if you got some obligations that will continue to bind or connect you with your ex spouse, including child support, mortgage or even divorce fees.
Being direct and upfront about such obligations will ensure that your new partner won’t harbor any resentment in case the relationship becomes more serious in the near future.
There are also times when you will feel the urge of discussing the topic at the soonest time possible. For such cases, it will be a better idea to identify your reasons for doing so. There are people who just do it for the purpose of creating a shock value or as an effort of coming across as an honest or open person. There might also be that unconscious hidden desire of compromising the possible new relationship because they are afraid that they will fall too hard or get too close to a person.
It doesn’t matter if you want to get rid of any possible misunderstandings right from the get-go or you just want to learn more about your date by knowing their perspective or opinion on the issue. It is important that you know for sure your own personal reason for talking about the divorce even before you bring up the topic.
Tips to Make Your Date Continue to Like You Even After You Discuss Your Divorce
Now that the subject of your divorce has been out in the open, how do you ensure that your date won’t lose their interest in you? Here are some tips to remember:
Avoid Trash Talking Your Ex
Never trash talk your former spouse. Trash talking will never help you meet your soul mate, anyway. If you trash talk your ex, your date might think that you will do the same to them if the relationship turns sour.
Always Tell the Truth
Share the truth from your own perspective. But, if you have already healed from the relationship, don’t be afraid of not sharing every single detail that you think and know shouldn’t be shared in the first place. It is also best not to discuss gossips or complain and whine about your situation. If you tackle the issue with wisdom and graciousness, it will be easier for you to earn the trust of your date and even their admiration.
Nurture Friendship, Companionship, and Intimacy
Many divorcees are often filled with anger and resentment toward their ex to the point that they end transferring these negative emotions on the new person they meet.
If you are still in the process of moving on and getting past your anger, don’t expect that you will meet your next life partner. The best thing you can do at this point is to socialize first and date to help you heal whatever experiences you might have with the opposite sex. Remember that the world is still filled with good and kind people out there.
However, until you can confidently say that you are worthy of kindness and love, don’t expect to be comfortable and at easy even if you are dating a good person.
Trust Your Date
After a divorce, it is only normal to have a hard time in trusting anyone that you might find it difficult to spend time around someone who wants to do something good for you. You want attention but you still don’t trust your date. It would be impossible to start a new relationship if you are still filled with anger and resentments. Putting your trust to someone will take time but if you allow yourself to do it, there’s no way for it not to happen soon.
Just because your past marriage didn’t go well doesn’t mean that you can deprive yourself of loving and being loved once again. By knowing when to tell your date that you’re divorced, you can be sure that your new relationship will start on the right foot.